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Lastly, you need to fall asleep with the intention of having a lucid dream. It’s not quite as simple as merely thinking about being lucid before bedtime, but that is actually a huge part of it. Oneironauts, this is the “MILD Technique,” from Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming by Stephen LaBerge, . and Howard Rheingold:

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When you conduct your test is important, though. Create a rule set for yourself and follow it. For example, you can establish that you’ll execute your test every time you: go to the bathroom, have a glass of water, see an attractive person, get up from your desk, talk to a certain person, etc. If you can, try to incorporate the dreams you’ve been having within your rule set. For example, if you’ve been having dreams that poke at your social anxiety, make uncomfortable social situations one of your triggers for a test. Or if you’re afraid of heights and you have dreams about that, do a test every time you feel that fear.

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Keep in mind, I’m not a therapist or any other kind of health professional—just a guy who’s willing to tell it like it is. I simply want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn lives. If for whatever reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here. Now then, let’s get on with it.

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Other people I know have dream signs like “people don’t have discernible faces, or any faces at all,” or “I never seem to be myself when I dream.” Yours could be much simpler, however, like never wearing clothes you usually wear, or perhaps none at all. Or maybe you’ll notice the layout of a familiar place is nothing like it was before. Whatever they may be for you, start writing down your dream signs in your dream journal. The more regular inconsistencies you can note and become aware of, the more likely you are to notice them while you’re dreaming and become aware.

Now that you know what lucid dreaming is, and you know the benefits and risks, it’s time to give it a solid try. Get ready, oneironauts—we’re about to take off the training wheels. Welcome to Week Three of Lifehacker’s Lucid Dream Workshop .

But a critical state test, no matter how personalized, is useless if you don’t do it with some regularity. Since you’re just getting started, you’re best off doing it at least 65 times a day, every day. Once you get into the practice of it, about five times a day may be good enough. Eventually, you’ll go to perform your routine check, and lo and behold, you actually will be dreaming. Excitement and wonder will wash over you as you become intentionally lucid for the first time.

Now, before you go, Not Feeling It, I have one more piece of advice. I don’t know what kind of conversations you’ve had, you didn’t say, but if things are actually the way you say they are, you should have been more upfront about the situation right from the get go. You should have said you’re not interested in dating or getting serious because your current timeline of “hanging out becoming friends having sex continuing to do so” sure looks an awful lot like typical dating trajectory. I could see where one might get confused if you weren’t explicitly clear about just being sex buddies.

Dream signs, which have nothing to do with “dream interpretation,” are essentially a mental catalog of the inconsistencies you normally experience while in a dream. They can be hard to spot, and you may not have many that appear regularly, but they are there. For example, one of my major dream signs is being with people I don’t recognize but still feel convinced I know. If I can establish the fact that this “friend” I’m with in my dream isn’t actually somebody I’ve met before, I can become aware of the dream and may be able to become lucid.

Have you thought about this situation from her perspective at all? Perhaps she’s not this damaged, precious thing that needs anything beyond your “pretty fantastic” lovin’. Either way, man up and talk to her, in person, with your mouth. You’ll be fine, and you’ll have an opportunity to clear the air if there’s any confusion. This what mature, respectful adults do.

What you put in your body affects your likelihood of having lucid dreams as well. Alcohol and drugs inhibit your REM sleep and disrupt your sleep cycles , so avoid nightcaps as much as possible. And while sleeping pills and melatonin can help induce sleep, keep in mind they may interfere with normal sleep cycles. Food and non-alcoholic drinks can play a major role in dreams too. Some people have more vivid dreams depending on what they eat, or report having nightmares if they eat certain types of food too late in the evening. I’ve personally had success with pickles, apple juice, peanut butter, and spicy foods as helpful elements. Also, reducing screen time before bed is always a good idea.